This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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