Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize