And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
