I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
