He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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