Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
