Nicole vs. Life
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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