Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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