Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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