Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
