Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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