I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
