I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
