Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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