So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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