I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
