Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
