Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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