Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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