WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
