Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
