Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i now understand why vodka
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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