This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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