I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
