U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had sex on a roof
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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