Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
