chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There's always time for handjobs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
