my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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