you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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