I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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