6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
