i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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