im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
