I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
