So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
