he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
