i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
