I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
