So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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