My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
