Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
