im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
