Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
