"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
