I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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