he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
