he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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