I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
