He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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