if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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