My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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