I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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