I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
