the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
