Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
