there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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