Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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