If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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