your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
