believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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