First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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