it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
