its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
