She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
