I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
