I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
